I have this thing that I tell people. It has worked out in my best interests in the last few years, since I started my search for something more. It keeps getting brought up in the most intimate of circumstances, usually with friends that I care to here it. It is a simple philosophy, really. One that has been shaped by meeting so many hundreds of people everywhere I go. If you don't have the maturity, courage or respect to just be yourself around me, fuck off! It's pretty sound really, though it comes down to my inability to like wasting time. The worst time to waste is on people that you really shouldn't waste your time on. Putting so much effort and initiative into any type of a "relationship" with another person. From that, and I am sure that most of you will agree with me on this one, I have come up with many different definitions of who are and who are not my friends vs. acquaintances. It is necessary to limit the amount of time that I spend on someone, without them actually earning it. Two of the most important things when dealing with this issue are Honor and Class. How reliable are you and how do you carry yourself.
One of the cardinal sins with me is to lie to my face. Most of the time I know that you are doing it, and I will never let you know that I know. It is simply a line that should not have been crossed, and if you don't even notice that you cross it, then frankly it is not worth my time. I move on to the next one. It is a simple concept, one that has led many countries and cultures far into a type of an advanced civilization. It is not the big cities, or the materials that these people cherish. It is their family names and honor that are at stake. Over many generations of family, a strict set of standards is followed. One where your word is your bond. These days, there are too many people without honor. The pitiful thing is that most of them never even knew that they were supposed to have it in the first place. You can lay the blame wherever you want, but it all comes down to one point in your life. When you are deciding on who you want to be, or who you are, and you begin to accept responsibility for your own actions, then you decide whether or not you will waste your time with this thing called honor. These days, it is looked upon, at least in my circles, as a defining point of who a person is. It is not even the fact that they constantly keep their word, but more along the lines that they find it important enough to spend the time necessary to do so. If someone is willing to spend any time on something, then it should definitely be appreciated at the very least. Anyone who is not willing to put in the time and effort necessary to be in my circles, will not be in my circles. They might linger around an "outer" circle of acquaintances, but they will not be part of my house. My inner circle is quite large, compared to many peoples, though it is only because I choose to associate with people whom I decide are worth my time. I hold myself to a very sturdy set of standards and rules. They are pretty lax considering the amount of time that society tries to pound them into your head, though they work for everything. That is why I get so upset when I try to put some effort into someone and they end up down the line turning me in an opposite direction. It is an incredible let down. One that is a possibility from many type of expectations. Oh well, the more expectations that you have, the more disappointments there are.
The other half of honor comes in being who you are. Lately I have been settling on this new philosophy. If you have to try hard at something, then you obviously don't know what you are doing. You do not know what to do, and so you have to continue trying. Some people though, just try too hard period. They try too hard to be what you want, what everyone else wants, and/or what they think everyone wants from them. This comes to the heart of this issue for me. There are all those people out there who will actually insult your intelligence by trying to pass themselves off as something that they are not. They are too caught up in climbing the social ladder, that they have no time to even know that there might be something more. While this is a completely valid way to live, as you live by your own will, it is still a bit of a turn off to people who have gotten past it. Those that don't know where they fit in, or think that they have some kind of power over people. Most of it goes back to a sociological flaw that is present, if not rampant in the world today. How people are always brought up thinking that everyone else "owes" them something, for whatever reason. This is what bugs me. People who assume that you owe them anything. The other day at work, one of the cooks who I bum cigarettes from just reached over to my pack of cigarettes, took one out and looked at me and said, "You owe me!" Next chance that I got, I took him three packs of his own brand of cigarettes, and told him never to assume that he had to tell me that I owed him anything. I keep track of my own debts, I keep track of my own earnings, and I take responsibility for my own actions. It is a matter of my honor. So yeah, you have those who lie, about themselves and all their dealings, and those who don't, no matter what. Who do you think I am going to choose to be around?
While going through life, you always notice those people who seem to know everyone, or have an inordinate amount of friends. We have all seen them. They aren't always plain as day, but when they choose to be seen, they are seen. They can captivate your attention or shun your existence. They can get into clubs free and know all the "right" people. Kind of like a modern day nobility that exists just beneath the surface of society. This is a nobility that chooses to be seen, but only by those who choose to see it. It is a very elitist group of people. It is not that they don't want to let people in, but more along the lines that if you earn your way, then you are welcome. It is based upon maturity, respect, style and class. It is a weird contradiction to the standards that I hold on people trying to beef up their image, though defining your image is fine. These are not easy things to continue working with on a daily basis though. They all take time and effort to not only enforce but to continue standing behind. They can walk into a five star restaurant and act like they own the place, or walk down the streets of New Orleans and hang out with the street kids. They are comfortable no matter where they go only because they have nothing to hide from anyone. They have nothing to bring from one place that they don't want in another. They are just the same all the time. Themselves. Never trying hard, barring certain circumstances, to win anyone over. It just doesn't help us to win people over, because there is too much time and effort wasted. Those who we should spend our time on always make themselves known. They don't try, they just do. They just have class, and they choose to put the time and effort into what it takes to be that way. It is not an easy life at first, but once it takes hold of you, you will understand just how much it means to be that way. The only problem with these people is that sometimes an ego or two will get in the way.
There is a certain amount of an ego necessary to be able to live in this way. You must have confidence in yourself and the things that you do, yes, but taking it further can be destructive. Look at someone who has no idea how to handle being popular, someone who is just finding out what it is like to be "cool." They might possibly read much of the new attention that they receive and funnel it into their ego, and taking it to a point where their head is a little too big for their image. Conceit and arrogance develop and increase the problems considerably. This, for me, is the dividing line between being classy and being arrogant. Sometimes people think that I am arrogant, and they don't understand that I put a lot of time and effort into becoming who I am, and so I am going to stand behind myself accordingly. When people blow me of or give me a reason to stop spending time on them, I tell them all the same thing. "Your loss!" This constantly gets me accused of being conceited, though I turn around and tell them that it is not exactly what I would say, but what everyone that I know would tell you as well.
A constant struggle between one extreme and the other, the proverbial battle between good and evil, Honor and Class will always show you to other people as being part of that nobility that exists under the folds of society. Unspoken yet true. All you need to do now is remember that with this leadership comes responsibility, not power, and that they only person who owes you anything is yourself, and that the harsh, up front, bottom-line.